When dealing with tourists, British Columbia has it's own laws, especially here on Vancouver Island. This is a warning for everyone who wants to come and visit. We want you to have a pleasant stay.
Protocol Has It
1. Whatever you do, even if your life depends on it, don't kill a Sasquatch. A myth or not, it's the law up here. We'll lock you up and throw away the key, as they will down in Washington State. They have a law written in black and white. We only use cameras up here and are the only weapons allowed, so use them wisely. We Canadians just love our beloved Abominable Snowmen and will go to no lengths to protect them. Expect fines up to $100,000. and/or 30 years of hard labour up at Kent Penn in Agassiz, BC. There hasn't been any documented cases as of yet, of someone actually killing one or even hurting a Sasquatch here on the Island but as sightings increase it won't be long before one eventually gets hurt.
2. Leave all your nuclear weapons at home. British Columbia is a nuclear weapons free zone. Especially, don't get caught in Smithers, BC with By-law 771 being enforced 24/7, with any form of a nuclear weapon, again you'll find yourself locked up at Kent Penn serving life. We haven't caught anyone yet but look out if we do, America is on our side and we know how they hate nuclear weapons.
3. There's a law on the books that say you better keep your clothes on. I wouldn't be too worried about this as long as you're on a beach, in a park or any other public place. These laws are rarely enforced but if you find yourself caught by the RCMP with your pants down you could risk 30 days locked up in the local jail. So remember, only go nude in designated places, that's about everywhere.
4. Never, never and this is a must. Never talk bad about Queen Elizabeth II, she loves it here and has visited many times, or any other Queen on the Island for that matter. There will be no dissin' her or them, no bad mouthing, that's a no-no. I've heard of the occasional beheading but it can't be confirmed when the accused was sent off to Britain to face charges. Best to stay on the safe side and keep your mouth shut when the topic of Royalty arises.
If you find yourself up here visiting our wonderful province British Columbia, then may I suggest heeding these laws, they're important to us.
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