I always believed money would buy me happiness.
How naïve I was.
People who don't have money or enough money grow up believing in the lack of it, as I once did, while others with money, believed in abundance. To them money miraculously appeared whether they needed it or not. Their secret: They understood 'The Cycle of Money'.
What is your relationship to money because it started when you were very young and impressionable, long before you understood the value of a nickel.
When I was growing up, money was a scarcity. Our family never had enough, even though my parents worked. There was always a feeling of lacking; we weren't keeping up with the people down the street, our class-mates, there was not enough toys, the cause of many an argument, money being one of our major concerns. I never asked for much, knowing we didn't have extra money for this or that. So never received much.
I always thought of money the same way as I thought of relationships, as a source of completion. No matter how much I accumulated, it still had that addictive control which as it grew still left me with the feeling that I still in need more. A cycle that repeats itself over and over again.
I've grown. That was then this is now.
To this day I still feel the lack of money and I feel guilty when spending the money I do have, especially when I'm using a credit card, remembering the old memories of not having enough. I still see money as a status indicator and a meter for self-worth as many others do. Little did I realize I won't be judged on what I've accumulated, more on what I've done, successful or not.
Today I look at money as a tool, not as an end in itself. It's that same old saying, you've heard a million times.
"Money won't make you happy!"
I've finally taken heed and have honestly asked myself, "What do I really want from life and does it matter if I'm rich or not?"
Here's my answer.
I want to be loved and be able to love. I don't need money for that.